See Miss Scarlett up there? Now that’s my kind of lady! Oh, but I was not always like that. I’m a former Miss Melly - moonstruck over my very own Ashley who could not make up his mind about what he wanted. But in this season of life, I have dug my high heels deep into the ground and tapped into my inner Scarlett. And she’s so much more fun…so how did I get here? Several men drove me too it.
Which Came First? The Silly Single Chick or the Egg?
I was the all the eggs in one basket chick. I could not help it – it’s part of my 1950s Housewife DNA but the problem is this is not the 1950s and I’m far from a housewife. As good ol’ Sandra Dee, I had my heart set on marriage and babies all before the age of 30 – so by the time I got to 32 and none of this had happened yet I was looking and feeling crazy. Over-analyzing what was wrong with me (not a gosh darn thing) and cursing the day God made men with their two balls and a baseball bat.
Something’s Gotta Give
There was a good chance, I thought to myself, that I might be 40 when I marry and I was in no mood to keep up my unstable shenanigans for another 8 years. So I cried, I prayed and I begged God to change me, make me over and make me happy with my current season. But guess what – it did not work….well not immediately. In fact, I felt myself becoming more bitter that I was not having sex yet (unless you count the sensual way I licked the chocolate frosting off that one golden, yellow cupcake)….
Ooooooo, I was so angry that Aunt Flow tortured me every month as if to mock me – “Hahahaha!” she would say – “You get all the pangs of being a woman with no benefits of bangin’ or a baby!” It seemed cruel. It seemed unfair. I felt stagnant. Like the essence of my womanhood was being mocked, dried up and ridiculed. I could have been an ennuch for all God cared (I thought so horribly to myself)! So I grabbed dating by the balls and hopped online.
Ugh. Don’t Let the Sappy Commercials Fool You
I don’t know who these happy couples are and where they came from on these online dating commercials but I swear they are paid actors. Because most of the men I met online are the living dead, too short, too unsaved, too many babies, not enough smarts, not enough swag, and not enough basic common sense.
I mean really, who goes on a date with a woman, does not open the door for her, does not offer to pay for her meal, goes to the snack bar during the movie and comes back with a snack for himself but leaves a sista hangin’ and does not even OFFER her some of his snack or if she would like something from the snack bar…..UGH! Ok – him and his peanut head were not worth the MAC lip gloss I wore that night but still.
So in a nutshell online dating was turning into a disaster until I changed the way I viewed dating and myself…
Enter Mr. Miyagi A.K.A. Rori Raye
I have got to give my girl props. She does not know she is my girl, but she is, I’m claiming her. Rori Raye (Google her) is this online relationship guru and before you throw the baby out with the bath water let me tell you she has taught me more about men and dating than my 10+ years dabbling in Christian singles minitries hoping for a message that would be the light at the end of the tunnel.
Her program encourages women to date until they get a proposal from one of their many “Beaus”…..*ooooooo* I get chills just saying it so I’m gonna say it again: “Beaus” *giggles with delight* This is a big deal for a girl like me who was always the steady, long-term “Girlfriend” and yet to be the finance or wife. For the first time ever, I am dating just to date and not limiting myself to one man. And whenever Mr. Right comes along, so be it. Until then I am meeting different men of all races and yummy body types who are vying for my attention.
And it feels freaking good. I’m like Miss Scarlett and her dozens of beaus. It’s empowering, it helps me tap into and focus on my female energy and allows me to be the woman God created us all to be: receivers – not wind up toys who over-process, over-give, and over-love a man until we are all dried out behind something he sometimes fails to reciprocate.
She’s a Man-Eater
This is not about hating men, bashing them or using them. I only go out on dates with guys I think are good matches because this is not about stringing some poor sap along to feed your female ego. This is about accepting men just the way God made them. And when you have more than one to choose from, you are more likely to have the patience to put up with them especially when you know you have a spare in case one ends up being a flat.
And guess what. The men like it too! It feeds their ego-driven man minds. You know how they are obsessed with sports and anything competitive so let them spar for you and whoever gets kicked into the pit, gets kicked – you’re the prize, all that, a bag of chips and then some.
The Devil is a Liar
So with my new outlook on dating, my life is perfect and hunky dory right now, right? Wrong. I take it day by day – I just choose to believe truth instead of the lies of the devil. But life is so much better now that I’m living it. And not worried about my biological clock as much. Or if I will get to have sex before the Rapture. You know, all the really important stuff on a Christian single gal’s mind. 
no biggie… we sill love you, and pray for all ya’ll regularly.this thing called marriage is not what you may imagine. the things that singles often give voice to, are NOT the things that you will lean on, depend on to get you through.
